You don't choose your family. They are God's gift
to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu
There is something that tugs at the heart when we use the
word ‘family.’ It brings up a nostalgic picture from our memories of that
moment when we realized that we were loved. Throw into that, famous families
like the Brady Bunch, the Cleavers, or the Cosbys or maybe the Hallmark Hall of
Fame movie with the prodigal turning herself around and returning home, or the
parent who sneaks in to hear an estranged child play the piano. Our feelings
for family run deep and for most of us, those feelings are warm. We are so
connected to families that we want to transfer that word to our most important
groups. We say they are “like family.” We certainly do for St. Patrick’s or for our
schools, or camps, or even our workplaces. We consider the family designation
as a good thing.
That is not to say that if one were to dig a little deeper
that we might admit that there are those high-maintenance family member (or two
or three) who make family life difficult, and even sometimes stressful. These
family members may not filter what they say, or they show up late, or don’t
follow through on promises. Or maybe they get there early or even show up
unannounced.
I hate to say this but maybe we are that family member from
time-to-time. But even with that extra baggage and the occasional awkward
moment, family is still very special.
That is why it is difficult to hear Jesus speak about
family. It makes us feel uncomfortable because Jesus understands family,
differently. It’s not like he doesn’t care for his family. For instance, while
on the cross, Jesus instructs the disciple John to care for his mother. He
changes the water into fine wine because of his mother (or something like
that). But he says some other things that make us step back. And its not just
us, it made the people back then step back, too.
In today’s Gospel lesson, Jesus is beginning his ministry in
his hometown of Nazareth, but he is not experiencing the greatest success. We
look back on Jesus as someone who everyone, except the corrupted leaders,
realized as awesome. But that is not the case. In this story we hear how the
people in Nazareth questioned Jesus’ sanity and his family came to his defense.
They wanted to protect him. But that is when Jesus says those words that
disturb us. He says, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” and then he looked
around at all of those unrelated people, pointed to them and said, “Here are my
mother and brothers! Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and
mother.” The people that he pointing to are the same people who questioned
Jesus’ sanity. They wondered how someone they knew as a child could now be
doing these things (miracles and the like). There was no guarantee that they
wouldn’t force Jesus out of town, or even beat him or kill him. There were no
guarantees, but Jesus is willing to call them family, even as close as those
who were related to him and wanted to protect him.
That is not the way it supposed to be, not then and not now.
We are taught that family (and by this I mean our the family that raised us,
with whom we share a name, or a lineage) is supposed to come first, above the
stranger or the friend.
We are trained and expected to go the extra mile or even
risk our lives for those in our family (much more than we would for just
anyone). There is a bond that exists between these people, the ones we don’t
choose, as Desmond Tutu says, because “they are God’s gift to you and you are
to them.”
So, Jesus’ words about family are disturbing. And these are
just a few of them. How about when Jesus tells his disciples to abandon their
families (Mark 10.29-30), or when Jesus predicts that families will betray
their own members (Mark 13.12), and when he speaks about hating family and
predicting that families will rise up against one another (Matthew 10.34-37). We
often want to avoid Jesus’ teaching about family because they seem to betray
our family values. It begs the question, are we truly living into Jesus’ vision
for us?
We’re not. We may be trying, but we haven’t overcome our
humanity. We might be able to live it for a moment, but during a trial, we
revert back to what is natural to us. We revert back to our family. So what
does Jesus mean by pointing to those unrelated people and claiming them as his
family?
I’m going to come back to that question in a moment, but
first I want to add into the mix the Old Testament lesson we just heard.
You have to know the context of this passage. It is about
the wise judge Samuel whose story runs parallel with the first kings and whose
name titles two Biblical books. Samuel was famous throughout the land for being
extremely fair in his dealings with the people. He maintained order because of
his credible leadership and his humble reliance on God. The nations that
surrounded ancient Israel all had kings instead of judges like Samuel.
Kings ruled differently. They were known to lead armies,
increase lands, and earn respect in ways different than Samuel. Kings were not
known for their kind and benevolent wisdom, but for their self centered power
hungriness. Samuel’s people noticed that he was getting old and would soon
leave them leaderless. They wanted him to appoint a king to rule them. That is
where our reading begins today. Samuel points out to them that this king idea
is not a good one, but the people insist because they want to be like every
other nation. They would rather give up what makes them unique, in order to be
like everyone else. They would rather give up the leadership of someone who
cares for them for someone who cares for himself.
It almost seems stupid. As bystanders looking back with much
clearer vision, we can see the foible of their choice, but how many times do we
choose to follow an ill-fated path because we think it will serve us well or it
is what everyone else is doing. How often do we regret those decisions later on
or at least dream about what might have been?
What is even more shocking about this is that God doesn’t
stop Samuel from appointing a king. God told Samuel that it wasn’t a betrayal
of Samuel, but a betrayal of God. God leaves these choices in our hands knowing
that we won’t be swayed by wisdom or logic, but only by experience. We may know
something in theory, but until it plays out, we won’t accept it as truth.
So is the case with Jesus and his teachings about family.
Jesus wasn’t really rejecting his family, who were trying to get him to take a
safer route (if not physically, certainly emotionally). They wanted him to stop
doing what he was called to do with people who were unpredictable. Jesus said,
and continued to say, that family was more than those people who share the same
house, or have the same ancestors. Family for Jesus was ultimately everybody.
He didn’t rank certain people as better than others or more family-like than
others. Every person was due the same care and love as any other person.
That is a radical, if not an overwhelming position. We
imagine that having ten siblings is difficult to manage, but how about millions
of siblings. Jesus knew that this idea of family was a radical departure for
those present when he was teaching, just as it is difficult for us to accept
today.
And that is what made me think about Desmond Tutu’s quote
about family. He said, “You don't choose your family. They are God's gift
to you, as you are to them.” When you first read this, you think Bishop Tutu is
speaking of those people who you call family (your house). But consider that
same quote in terms of Jesus’ teaching from today’s Gospel lesson. What if we
didn’t choose our family, because our family is everyone? And that family (the
human race) is God’s gift to us and each one of us is a gift to them. If we
could accept this teaching and live in a way that acknowledged that we have a
familial responsibility to everyone and that means being a gift of God to them,
how would that change how we live?
Jesus didn’t expect us to completely comprehend, just as
God didn’t expected the ancient Israelites, the ones who trusted Samuel, to
believe about the evils of kings. The only way to come to understand is to live
it. So, I challenge you to treat everyone as if they were your family. I don’t
mean that you become high-maintenance. I mean think about protecting everyone
as if they were your brother or sister, or mother or father, or son or
daughter. Consider that as a challenge that will consume everything you are. Try
it for a week or even a day. Realize that is the challenge that Jesus left to
his disciples and to us. Don’t try to understand it, try to live it, be it, and
become it. Only then can you glimpse the love that God shares with all of us,
the love that binds us together as one family.
Our only hope is relying on God to lead us through this
challenge and we must realize that when we fall short, we can always trust that
God’s love, and the love that exudes from all corners of the earth and the
heavens will cradle us in God’s hands. Experiencing that will change who we
are.
You don't choose your family. They are God's gift
to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu
Proper 5B
June 10, 2012
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